thanksgiving.

Another autumn, another Thanksgiving. And you're not here. You know what I've always wondered? Why there are two words in the English language for this season- autumn and fall. Is it more special than the other three, which only have one word to represent them- winter, spring, summer? I doubt that. At least not for me. For me, it's just what it says: fall. And year after year, I do just that. The apples fall, the leaves fall, and I fall, down to my knees at your graveside. I miss you, you know. I really do, and that fall never gets easier for me.

I know you'd yell at me for this, but I feel guilty today. I've always gone to the cemetary alone before, and I know you probably liked that. You were always so secretive, would never tell me anything unless we were completely alone. But I really think you'd like him, Lily. And I know it sounds crazy, but I just... after you died, I never thought I'd have anything to be truly thankful for again. But I really am thankful for him. I'm thankful not to be alone anymore.

I still miss you, sis, and I'm sorry. I know you would hate that I feel guilty and that I still think about you so much, but I can't help it. And I know you would hate that I call it fall since you loved autumn and thought it was the most beautiful time of year. Remember how I used to rake all the leaves in the front yard into neat piles... and you used to jump in them and kick them all across the lawn? Even then I could never get mad at you. After all, "It's autumn, Molly, it's the greatest time of year! Just lighten up a bit!" God, I still laugh when I think about that. You were such an optimist, even at the end. But I'm not, never was. You always used to stick out your tongue and whine that I was "sooo pessishistic!" with that lisp it took you three years of speech classes to get over, even though you knew Dad would scold you. He always used the same line: "Molly's not a pessimist, she's just a realist, Lil." And that's why I call it fall. Because I'm "realistic" enough to know that we all do, all the time, all for our own reasons. And covering it up with a pretty name like autumn won't keep us from falling any more than my pleas kept you from running through my piles of leaves. Don't get me wrong though, Lil. I am thankful for fall, I really am. After all, falling is what brings me the closest to you these days.